Dear friends and family,
I am back on track for living a full and complete life, to the best of my ability, every day.
I feel the mission of this Blog has been accomplished.
I am choosing to just "be" for now.
Gratefully,
Sue
This Blog is CLOSED.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
First day back
I made it! Didn't start to fade until about 2:30 and called it a day about an hour later. Work was very kind and gave me an easy day. Good to see all my co-workers again....so many smiles!
Of course, with the combination of my aging brain, anesthesia, and being off 7 weeks, I sort of stumbled over a couple people's names. Only mildly embarrassing.
My computer behaved very nicely today, which was a bonus. It took me a little bit to remember how to use my smart phone. I felt dumb. (tee hee)
So now I am heading to my lovely sofa; to recline, perchance to nap before dinner.
Of course, with the combination of my aging brain, anesthesia, and being off 7 weeks, I sort of stumbled over a couple people's names. Only mildly embarrassing.
My computer behaved very nicely today, which was a bonus. It took me a little bit to remember how to use my smart phone. I felt dumb. (tee hee)
So now I am heading to my lovely sofa; to recline, perchance to nap before dinner.
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Back to real life
Well, now I will see just how recovered I am with starting back to work tomorrow. I plan on taking a couple 10 minute "power naps" during the day. I am good at those.
Whenever my brain starts throwing out random thoughts of how hard it is going to be, I quiet the chatter with other thoughts, such as "Let's just wait and see, OK?" "All will be well." "I can only do what I can do in a day." So I am going into the week with a positive attitude, in spite of my brain chatter. I am packing a good lunch........and a little pillow.
Let me tell you about my wonderful day yesterday.
I had several errands to run, one of which was getting my car ready for work - getting gas and a car wash. Got my new glasses re-adjusted. Headed to the store that carries my favorite breakfast accompaniment .. frozen mango chunks to put on my cereal. They have been out of them for a week. I always get 4-5 bags at a time, and I was down to my last half bag and getting nervous. THEY HAD IT! Yea. And as I exited the store I heard some music from around the other side of the building....it was an accordion I have seen a young accordion player there before a few times, but had not seen him for awhile. He puts his case on the sidewalk and plays for tips. As I turned around to go seek him out I could hear the music clearer and he was playing my favorite song....."Somewhere Over the Rainbow".....on accordion! You had to be there! The arrangement he was playing was glorious! I stood there the whole time with a huge grin on my face. And there was sunshine instead of rain! It made my day!
So I have gotten most of the tasks on my "must-do-before-Wed." list done, and made a bit dent in some of the larger looming projects. I have read 8 books, with one of them being a 750 page tome on Frank Sinatra! I have almost gotten my email Inbox tamed down to a manageable size.
We had our second meeting with our pastor about the wedding....getting the order of service pinned down and clarifying language. It is clear that I need to get going on the invitations on my next week off. One thing at a time - it all will get done.
Ready to relax tonight and start the next chapter tomorrow........
And again, my gratitude to you all for the good thoughts and wishes!
Whenever my brain starts throwing out random thoughts of how hard it is going to be, I quiet the chatter with other thoughts, such as "Let's just wait and see, OK?" "All will be well." "I can only do what I can do in a day." So I am going into the week with a positive attitude, in spite of my brain chatter. I am packing a good lunch........and a little pillow.
Let me tell you about my wonderful day yesterday.
I had several errands to run, one of which was getting my car ready for work - getting gas and a car wash. Got my new glasses re-adjusted. Headed to the store that carries my favorite breakfast accompaniment .. frozen mango chunks to put on my cereal. They have been out of them for a week. I always get 4-5 bags at a time, and I was down to my last half bag and getting nervous. THEY HAD IT! Yea. And as I exited the store I heard some music from around the other side of the building....it was an accordion I have seen a young accordion player there before a few times, but had not seen him for awhile. He puts his case on the sidewalk and plays for tips. As I turned around to go seek him out I could hear the music clearer and he was playing my favorite song....."Somewhere Over the Rainbow".....on accordion! You had to be there! The arrangement he was playing was glorious! I stood there the whole time with a huge grin on my face. And there was sunshine instead of rain! It made my day!
So I have gotten most of the tasks on my "must-do-before-Wed." list done, and made a bit dent in some of the larger looming projects. I have read 8 books, with one of them being a 750 page tome on Frank Sinatra! I have almost gotten my email Inbox tamed down to a manageable size.
We had our second meeting with our pastor about the wedding....getting the order of service pinned down and clarifying language. It is clear that I need to get going on the invitations on my next week off. One thing at a time - it all will get done.
Ready to relax tonight and start the next chapter tomorrow........
And again, my gratitude to you all for the good thoughts and wishes!
Thursday, February 21, 2013
Life is busy again..and some more great news!
Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I think I was just enjoying the fact that I didn't have any more MD appointments or scans or waiting for results! And there was Valentine's Day in there, also! And my Dad's 91st birthday, and my folks 66th Anniversary! Whew!
I have been attempting to ramp up my daily activities to prepare for returning to the work force. And then there have been lots of talking and preparations being discussed about our upcoming WEDDING! Yes, wedding!
We were not planning on having a big wedding until this cancer stuff came up. We were maybe going to be part of a group wedding at our church, or just go down to the courthouse. But the cancer made us want to have a big "do" of our own and walk down the aisle of our church surrounded by family and friends, and celebrate our 22 years of loving each other already. So May 18th is the date.
I was finding myself getting all anxious the other day as I was on errands and thinking to myself, "I am more stressed about all the details for the wedding than I was for the surgery!" That was a sad realization. So we are determined to keep things simple, and we are not agonizing about any decisions. We talk about 3 options for anything and make a decision! We are going boldly forward! I will be writing more about the wedding plans, I am sure.
I had a small epiphany this morning while I was stretching after my workout. Nothing was sore during the stretching, and I was exhilarated after doing 3 miles on the elliptical, and I had the thought that my body feels like mine again. I feel like myself. After the surgery, I was guarding my right side a lot. First, because of the pain, and then protecting it from other people as they would want to hug me and pat me on the back. And I was very focused on my breathing, assessing how I was doing, and trying to heal fast. All about some foreign thing that was being forced upon me....a foreign land of "convalescence". Now it feels like I am back to my regular life. And I like it!
I must say that setting my alarm clock to 5:30 AM is disgusting after all these weeks of just waking up when my body was ready to awaken! But I am prepping myself so that returning to work won't be quite so traumatic if I am used to being up and moving at that hour.
All for now, my friends. I will write again before starting work on the 27th, but then you probably won't hear from me for several days or so. All is well.
I have been attempting to ramp up my daily activities to prepare for returning to the work force. And then there have been lots of talking and preparations being discussed about our upcoming WEDDING! Yes, wedding!
We were not planning on having a big wedding until this cancer stuff came up. We were maybe going to be part of a group wedding at our church, or just go down to the courthouse. But the cancer made us want to have a big "do" of our own and walk down the aisle of our church surrounded by family and friends, and celebrate our 22 years of loving each other already. So May 18th is the date.
I was finding myself getting all anxious the other day as I was on errands and thinking to myself, "I am more stressed about all the details for the wedding than I was for the surgery!" That was a sad realization. So we are determined to keep things simple, and we are not agonizing about any decisions. We talk about 3 options for anything and make a decision! We are going boldly forward! I will be writing more about the wedding plans, I am sure.
I had a small epiphany this morning while I was stretching after my workout. Nothing was sore during the stretching, and I was exhilarated after doing 3 miles on the elliptical, and I had the thought that my body feels like mine again. I feel like myself. After the surgery, I was guarding my right side a lot. First, because of the pain, and then protecting it from other people as they would want to hug me and pat me on the back. And I was very focused on my breathing, assessing how I was doing, and trying to heal fast. All about some foreign thing that was being forced upon me....a foreign land of "convalescence". Now it feels like I am back to my regular life. And I like it!
I must say that setting my alarm clock to 5:30 AM is disgusting after all these weeks of just waking up when my body was ready to awaken! But I am prepping myself so that returning to work won't be quite so traumatic if I am used to being up and moving at that hour.
All for now, my friends. I will write again before starting work on the 27th, but then you probably won't hear from me for several days or so. All is well.
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
ALL CLEAR !!
No signs of any other cancer cells anywhere! So now I will just be having regular scans every 3 months so we can do early detection and intervention if any other pesky cells turn up.
We are both too exhausted to go out to dinner to celebrate, so will have just a quiet evening at home, counting our blessings.
I am so grateful for the outpouring of support.....prayers, chanting, good thoughts, cards and gifts, comments on the blog. It has all meant so much to me. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, eh? So many blessings.
I will be heading back to work on the 27th., so need to start gearing up for that...doing a little more each day. All is good.
Grateful, grateful, grateful!
Saturday, February 9, 2013
MRI.....
...... I think we should use MRI's as a method of interrogation of terrorists. A couple hours of that clanging will melt anyone's resolve and people would spill any secrets they knew!
It has been a few years since my last MRI. It was much noisier than I had recalled. For those of you never having had the occasion to need an MRI....... imagine someone holding a bullhorn 4 inches from your head and randomly sending sounds through that bullhorn. Some are like a crazed Martha Stewart mixing up a batch of 6 inch bolts in her mixer. Others are a smoke alarm in am office amplified through the bullhorn. Then there is the jack-hammer rat-a-tat-tating on a steel plate. You get the idea. The last time I had an MRI I was having a migraine before I got into the machine. It was an excruciating hour. So this was was not that bad, I only had a little headache after the test. Which we addressed with Mexican food and a Coke!
I won't get the results until Tuesday when we meet with the oncologist again.
I have gained 5 pounds through my recovery! Time to pay attention again. I am doing 20 minutes a day on the elliptical and going further each day. Trying not to push it, but gently doing a little more each day. My coughing is lessening, as is my shortness of breath. And the soreness on my right side is almost gone!
I have made the difficult decision to stop playing trombone in the jazz band. It takes a lot of time and energy for me to play at the level needed to contribute to this great band, and I want the flexibility to be able to travel more on my days off. I will probably re-join another band that does not require so much practice on my part and has fewer concerts that the jazz band. So I will still be playing music in the future, just with scaled back demands on my time and energy.
But my immediate priority will be having enough energy to do my work schedule. I am slated to be back at work on Feb. 27th.
Today I plan on working on the mound of paperwork that has accumulated on my desk in the past couple months and see what I can un-earth from the pile....and file.....and recycle.
Tomorrow we are supposed to be seeing the sun again, so I would like to head to one of my favorite beaches and walk and listen to the waves. My last time there was just prior to my surgery. I found a rock shaped somewhat like a heart....always a good omen.
Lighthearted thought for the day:
"I can attest to the immediate and dependable benefit of exercise. After a trip to the gym I enjoy an glow of smug self-righteousness that can last an hour of more."
Seeking Enlightenment Hat by Hat, pg 182., author Nevada Barr
It has been a few years since my last MRI. It was much noisier than I had recalled. For those of you never having had the occasion to need an MRI....... imagine someone holding a bullhorn 4 inches from your head and randomly sending sounds through that bullhorn. Some are like a crazed Martha Stewart mixing up a batch of 6 inch bolts in her mixer. Others are a smoke alarm in am office amplified through the bullhorn. Then there is the jack-hammer rat-a-tat-tating on a steel plate. You get the idea. The last time I had an MRI I was having a migraine before I got into the machine. It was an excruciating hour. So this was was not that bad, I only had a little headache after the test. Which we addressed with Mexican food and a Coke!
I won't get the results until Tuesday when we meet with the oncologist again.
I have gained 5 pounds through my recovery! Time to pay attention again. I am doing 20 minutes a day on the elliptical and going further each day. Trying not to push it, but gently doing a little more each day. My coughing is lessening, as is my shortness of breath. And the soreness on my right side is almost gone!
I have made the difficult decision to stop playing trombone in the jazz band. It takes a lot of time and energy for me to play at the level needed to contribute to this great band, and I want the flexibility to be able to travel more on my days off. I will probably re-join another band that does not require so much practice on my part and has fewer concerts that the jazz band. So I will still be playing music in the future, just with scaled back demands on my time and energy.
But my immediate priority will be having enough energy to do my work schedule. I am slated to be back at work on Feb. 27th.
Today I plan on working on the mound of paperwork that has accumulated on my desk in the past couple months and see what I can un-earth from the pile....and file.....and recycle.
Tomorrow we are supposed to be seeing the sun again, so I would like to head to one of my favorite beaches and walk and listen to the waves. My last time there was just prior to my surgery. I found a rock shaped somewhat like a heart....always a good omen.
Lighthearted thought for the day:
"I can attest to the immediate and dependable benefit of exercise. After a trip to the gym I enjoy an glow of smug self-righteousness that can last an hour of more."
Seeking Enlightenment Hat by Hat, pg 182., author Nevada Barr
Monday, February 4, 2013
Yee Haw!
Just home from the oncologist appointment.....
No interferon treatment!!!!! Yea! He agrees with my thinking that a year of feeling lousy during treatment with a negligible increase in life expectancy does not make sense. We dealt with the cancer by removing it, so there is nothing to treat. I will be getting regular scans of varying types to identify any potential new cancers...... so they will keep a close eye on things.
This doc did want me to have an MRI of my head and neck to make sure there were no stray cancer cells in the brain or lymph nodes in the neck, since those are not easily detected by the PET scan I had before. That will be happening this Friday, and then I meet with the oncologist again the following Tues. He said that if there is something abnormal in the lymph nodes in the neck they will do a little surgery to remove them. I am very pleased he is doing more diagnostics to rule out any other problem areas.
All will be well.
I am tired. Enough excitement for today. We are doing our happy dance!
No interferon treatment!!!!! Yea! He agrees with my thinking that a year of feeling lousy during treatment with a negligible increase in life expectancy does not make sense. We dealt with the cancer by removing it, so there is nothing to treat. I will be getting regular scans of varying types to identify any potential new cancers...... so they will keep a close eye on things.
This doc did want me to have an MRI of my head and neck to make sure there were no stray cancer cells in the brain or lymph nodes in the neck, since those are not easily detected by the PET scan I had before. That will be happening this Friday, and then I meet with the oncologist again the following Tues. He said that if there is something abnormal in the lymph nodes in the neck they will do a little surgery to remove them. I am very pleased he is doing more diagnostics to rule out any other problem areas.
All will be well.
I am tired. Enough excitement for today. We are doing our happy dance!
Friday, February 1, 2013
On the road again.......
....actually, on the Elliptical Trainer again! I did a whole mile on the elliptical and it only took me 16.5 minutes! Yikes! I usually do 3-4 miles in 30-45 minutes, depending on how good the book is that I am reading. But it was a good start. I was not trying to do anything strenuous just get the legs and lungs going together again. And doing my stretches felt good, also...and nothing hurt! Yea!
I felt good enough to do some housekeeping.....slow and steady, little jobs.
Rested.
Played my horn.
Rested.
Went and looked at TVs to buy.....no decision.
Made dinner.
Time to watch basketball on TV.........
I felt good enough to do some housekeeping.....slow and steady, little jobs.
Rested.
Played my horn.
Rested.
Went and looked at TVs to buy.....no decision.
Made dinner.
Time to watch basketball on TV.........
Thursday, January 31, 2013
Another day!
We made gluten-free pizza last night to celebrate getting the stitches out! My right side is still tender, but it no longer has that pulling/pinching sensation of the stitches. Was able to sleep on my side with no discomfort last night! Yea! The surgeon said that I have been "above the norm" in all aspects of my recovery. I think he must do a lot of surgeries where peoples lungs are pretty bad anyway....whereas I have very healthy lungs and am healthy, in general. Just having this rogue tumor in there....which is now gone. So I have no cancer in my body at this time! Just had my eyes checked and my eyes are healthy, also. And you all know I have a healthy sense of humor.....so all is well, indeed.
I am resisting the urge to do a lot of investigating interferon treatment on the Internet, knowing that doing that just opens a big can of worms of dubious information. I am just making a list of questions for the oncologist.
To clarify, the treatment they are offering is a preventative measure. I have no cancer at this time that they would be targeting. I am cancer-free today.
So one of my decisions today is......should we take advantage of all the big-screen TV's on sale before the Super Bowl this Sunday and go buy one!?!?! Which leads to many decisions about choosing one and from which store...what will be do with the old one......do we have the right stand to hold the new one at the right height......can we fit it in our car......can we get it in the house.....do we have the right cables......blah..blah..blah. It may not happen. My capacity to do multiple tasks and critical thinking is not 100% yet. But I have won some games of Spider and Scrabble on the computer.......so I am definitely making progress. I remember the first day I tried Spider Solitaire and when the cards flipped out to start the game my mind just reeled....ti was so fast! And trying to scan the row of 7 cards to see plays seemed like I was looking at the Grand Canyon. Definitely doing better.
I have all the cards I have gotten set up on the piano....on every flat surface of the piano, and now spreading to the bench! I never, ever thought I would be getting so many - especially in this day of email. I am amazed at the wonderful lift it gives to my spirit to gaze at those cards throughout the day and feel all the good thoughts. I have not been very good at sending people cards, rationalizing that one more card or not won't make any difference. If I have learned anything in the past few weeks, it is that having tangible proof that people care about you is very powerful. I endeavor to be better at letting people know I care.
(Please do not take this as a guilt-trip to send cards.....all of the emails are equally as uplifting to me.....I have a separate folder for them and look through them periodically.)
I am looking forward to another great day of feeling stronger....in every way.
All will be well!
I am resisting the urge to do a lot of investigating interferon treatment on the Internet, knowing that doing that just opens a big can of worms of dubious information. I am just making a list of questions for the oncologist.
To clarify, the treatment they are offering is a preventative measure. I have no cancer at this time that they would be targeting. I am cancer-free today.
So one of my decisions today is......should we take advantage of all the big-screen TV's on sale before the Super Bowl this Sunday and go buy one!?!?! Which leads to many decisions about choosing one and from which store...what will be do with the old one......do we have the right stand to hold the new one at the right height......can we fit it in our car......can we get it in the house.....do we have the right cables......blah..blah..blah. It may not happen. My capacity to do multiple tasks and critical thinking is not 100% yet. But I have won some games of Spider and Scrabble on the computer.......so I am definitely making progress. I remember the first day I tried Spider Solitaire and when the cards flipped out to start the game my mind just reeled....ti was so fast! And trying to scan the row of 7 cards to see plays seemed like I was looking at the Grand Canyon. Definitely doing better.
I have all the cards I have gotten set up on the piano....on every flat surface of the piano, and now spreading to the bench! I never, ever thought I would be getting so many - especially in this day of email. I am amazed at the wonderful lift it gives to my spirit to gaze at those cards throughout the day and feel all the good thoughts. I have not been very good at sending people cards, rationalizing that one more card or not won't make any difference. If I have learned anything in the past few weeks, it is that having tangible proof that people care about you is very powerful. I endeavor to be better at letting people know I care.
(Please do not take this as a guilt-trip to send cards.....all of the emails are equally as uplifting to me.....I have a separate folder for them and look through them periodically.)
I am looking forward to another great day of feeling stronger....in every way.
All will be well!
Wednesday, January 30, 2013
Some news
Got a phone yesterday from the pulmonologist who presented my information at the Tumor Board last Thursday. He said that the pathology report was non- conclusive about the tumor being a melanoma, but the consensus of all the oncologists at the Tumor Board was that it should be treated as a melanoma. They were suggesting a course of treatment with interferon, which is one of many kinds of chemical interventions to reduce re-occurrence of cancer.
I now have an appointment on Monday with an oncologist to discuss treatment options further. My Beloved and I are making a list of questions to ask, as this phone call from the pulmonologist was rather brief.
So, once again, I have more questions than answers.
For clarity, the meeting with the surgeon today will be to take out the remaining stitches and check in with my recovery. If I had not received the call yesterday from the other doctor I was assuming the surgeon would have more info, but now we know they are suggesting treatment, so this will be a perfunctory post-op visit.
So stay tuned from Monday when I will have more info. Of course, after getting all the info on the risks versus benefits of treatment, we still need to deliberate and pray about the decision I will make.
I am so grateful that my Beloved and I have had many serious (and a few silly) talks about quality of life and what is important to us. Given my long time working with hospice, we have had many very practical conversations, so we both feel we can say just about anything and not fear that the other person over-react. Our level of trust and commitment with each other and strong faith in a Higher Power is key to our going forward day-by-day.
Keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming!
I now have an appointment on Monday with an oncologist to discuss treatment options further. My Beloved and I are making a list of questions to ask, as this phone call from the pulmonologist was rather brief.
So, once again, I have more questions than answers.
For clarity, the meeting with the surgeon today will be to take out the remaining stitches and check in with my recovery. If I had not received the call yesterday from the other doctor I was assuming the surgeon would have more info, but now we know they are suggesting treatment, so this will be a perfunctory post-op visit.
So stay tuned from Monday when I will have more info. Of course, after getting all the info on the risks versus benefits of treatment, we still need to deliberate and pray about the decision I will make.
I am so grateful that my Beloved and I have had many serious (and a few silly) talks about quality of life and what is important to us. Given my long time working with hospice, we have had many very practical conversations, so we both feel we can say just about anything and not fear that the other person over-react. Our level of trust and commitment with each other and strong faith in a Higher Power is key to our going forward day-by-day.
Keep the positive thoughts and prayers coming!
Monday, January 28, 2013
Monday, Monday
Though days of the week don't mean much anymore....
Saturday we went to a friends funeral at our former church, and I learned that 3 hours out of the house and an hour of standing in a large crowd visiting is too much! So a little Tylenol and a lot of couch time followed, but I did recover in a couple hours.
Sunday I drove to church. I have gotten so much support from our current church family ( and our former church family) that I felt it was important to get out let people see that I was pretty functional! The prayers and cards and calls from everyone have just been tremendous. Two of my Beloved's aged Aunts in Canada have called to see how I am progressing! So I was able to call each of them and let them hear that I am doing well. It was good to be at church and feel all the love in action that happens in such communities of faith.
I spent the afternoon on the couch - napping with an eye on the college women's basketball games - and was able to get out to an evening gathering of like-minded friends that I have known since I moved to Seattle. And that was good. Last week I was driven to the meeting and this week I was able to drive myself.
And today I took a shower and ate breakfast and didn't have to rest afterwards! So, small victories.
I think this week I will need to start to actually "do" some tasks, like preparing for taxes..... finishing my CEU's to maintain my social work license.
And I stepped on the bathroom scale today. Yikes! I guess eating whenever I am awake needs to stop! I am not burning up many calories yet, so all the snacking needs to drop off the plan. Balance in all things, eh?
Today I get my blood tested to see if it is up to the desired level of anti-coagulation yet. Tomorrow (Tues.) I get my eyes checked. I missed my appointment was in the hospital, so it is great that an appointment opened up so soon.
Wednesday is when I meet with the surgeon. Hopefully, to have some answers about the nature of the tumor. I also am looking forward to getting the stitches out from the site where the chest tube drain was. The large incision from the surgery that had internal stitches and super-glued shut on the outside has healed well. My right side area is still rather tender, but I have not needed regular Tylenol for several days now.
Now I think it is time to go play my euphonium. I took a couple days off from it like I did from blogging. Just needed a break.
I will update after my meeting with the doctor on Wednesday.....but it is an afternoon appointment, so don't expect any news until evening for those of you in the Midwest.
Saturday we went to a friends funeral at our former church, and I learned that 3 hours out of the house and an hour of standing in a large crowd visiting is too much! So a little Tylenol and a lot of couch time followed, but I did recover in a couple hours.
Sunday I drove to church. I have gotten so much support from our current church family ( and our former church family) that I felt it was important to get out let people see that I was pretty functional! The prayers and cards and calls from everyone have just been tremendous. Two of my Beloved's aged Aunts in Canada have called to see how I am progressing! So I was able to call each of them and let them hear that I am doing well. It was good to be at church and feel all the love in action that happens in such communities of faith.
I spent the afternoon on the couch - napping with an eye on the college women's basketball games - and was able to get out to an evening gathering of like-minded friends that I have known since I moved to Seattle. And that was good. Last week I was driven to the meeting and this week I was able to drive myself.
And today I took a shower and ate breakfast and didn't have to rest afterwards! So, small victories.
I think this week I will need to start to actually "do" some tasks, like preparing for taxes..... finishing my CEU's to maintain my social work license.
And I stepped on the bathroom scale today. Yikes! I guess eating whenever I am awake needs to stop! I am not burning up many calories yet, so all the snacking needs to drop off the plan. Balance in all things, eh?
Today I get my blood tested to see if it is up to the desired level of anti-coagulation yet. Tomorrow (Tues.) I get my eyes checked. I missed my appointment was in the hospital, so it is great that an appointment opened up so soon.
Wednesday is when I meet with the surgeon. Hopefully, to have some answers about the nature of the tumor. I also am looking forward to getting the stitches out from the site where the chest tube drain was. The large incision from the surgery that had internal stitches and super-glued shut on the outside has healed well. My right side area is still rather tender, but I have not needed regular Tylenol for several days now.
Now I think it is time to go play my euphonium. I took a couple days off from it like I did from blogging. Just needed a break.
I will update after my meeting with the doctor on Wednesday.....but it is an afternoon appointment, so don't expect any news until evening for those of you in the Midwest.
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Big day!
Driving 2 miles to meet up with friends.....then a nap....then out to a restaurant for an early dinner! Woo Woo. which, of course, meant stopping by our favorite maker of fine chocolates for a little bag of nibbles!
Playing my euphonium every day is being a great way to get my lungs going better and is wonderful for my spirit also. I have been away from the euph. playing trombone the past couple years....which is great....but I have played the euphonium for 50 yrs. It is my heart and soul. So getting back to playing some of the beautiful euphonium repertoire is being a real pick-me-up! As a fellow musician pointed out, practicing has often been a way of coping with life - especially as a teenager. It still is a balm for whatever is ailing me. Love it!
Now I will take it easy the rest of the evening......aahhhh! Grey's Anatomy night!
Playing my euphonium every day is being a great way to get my lungs going better and is wonderful for my spirit also. I have been away from the euph. playing trombone the past couple years....which is great....but I have played the euphonium for 50 yrs. It is my heart and soul. So getting back to playing some of the beautiful euphonium repertoire is being a real pick-me-up! As a fellow musician pointed out, practicing has often been a way of coping with life - especially as a teenager. It still is a balm for whatever is ailing me. Love it!
Now I will take it easy the rest of the evening......aahhhh! Grey's Anatomy night!
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tortoise path...
Yes, Hoagy Carmichael was right....slow motion does get you there faster. A couple low key days and I am doing well. Sleeping on my side is notably more comfortable and coughing is much less uncomfortable.
The couch and TV are still my best friends but I am able to be doing more reading. I am maintaining an A+ in napping and eating jello.
Grateful, grateful, grateful!
The couch and TV are still my best friends but I am able to be doing more reading. I am maintaining an A+ in napping and eating jello.
Grateful, grateful, grateful!
Tuesday, January 22, 2013
Adjusting expectations
OK, after the last couple days, I realize that it is not helpful to expect that I will feel better and be able to do more every single day!
Just because I have made great progress does not mean it will keep up at the same rate. I have been doing so well, that I really thought the rate of recovery would continue, but a couple "flat" days have me back in reality. I am grateful for my progress, but will give myself leeway to have some plateaus along the way to full function.
I was able to get better sleep last night. Definitely more comfortable being on my side for a time. My Beloved made a killer mac and cheese and veggie casserole last night! Yummmm.
I think I'l try playing my horn a little today again.....emphasizing the "little".
Wanting to do but not over-do!
Just because I have made great progress does not mean it will keep up at the same rate. I have been doing so well, that I really thought the rate of recovery would continue, but a couple "flat" days have me back in reality. I am grateful for my progress, but will give myself leeway to have some plateaus along the way to full function.
I was able to get better sleep last night. Definitely more comfortable being on my side for a time. My Beloved made a killer mac and cheese and veggie casserole last night! Yummmm.
I think I'l try playing my horn a little today again.....emphasizing the "little".
Wanting to do but not over-do!
Monday, January 21, 2013
Took a day off.
Weary. Did a few little things around the house and never got out to the computer. Lots of sports to watch on TV. Women's college basketball time....plus the NFL stuff.
I tried baking some rhubarb cobbler......must have messed things up...didn't quite turn out the way ti did the last time I made it. So my new rule is that I can't drive until I can follow a recipe. Safer for all!
Not such great sleep the past couple nights. Hard to really rest when I don't use up much energy during the day. Its a delicate balance. Still being short of breath a lot, but making progress overall. Really tired of coughing after over 2 months...... seriously. but at this point, the coughing is vital to getting my lungs cleared out and back working well.....*sigh*.
A dear friend is in her final days on this earth and we were able to go visit her in the hospital briefly. I am so grateful for all the people I have met on my journey through this life and the lessons they have taught me about being kind and gracious and honest. I will try to continue that legacy of living with integrity.
I tried baking some rhubarb cobbler......must have messed things up...didn't quite turn out the way ti did the last time I made it. So my new rule is that I can't drive until I can follow a recipe. Safer for all!
Not such great sleep the past couple nights. Hard to really rest when I don't use up much energy during the day. Its a delicate balance. Still being short of breath a lot, but making progress overall. Really tired of coughing after over 2 months...... seriously. but at this point, the coughing is vital to getting my lungs cleared out and back working well.....*sigh*.
A dear friend is in her final days on this earth and we were able to go visit her in the hospital briefly. I am so grateful for all the people I have met on my journey through this life and the lessons they have taught me about being kind and gracious and honest. I will try to continue that legacy of living with integrity.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
ZZzzzzzzzz....
4 naps yesterday and a really good night's sleep last night....the most comfortable I have been to date! Yea!
Down to Tyelnol 2x a day. Made pancakes for lunch. Visits from co-workers bearing gifts and healing energy. Aaahhhh.
Trying to write some alternate words to the the song "One Less Bell to Answer", but the only line I get is "One less lobe to breathe with...." More brain cells need to come back online.
Down to Tyelnol 2x a day. Made pancakes for lunch. Visits from co-workers bearing gifts and healing energy. Aaahhhh.
Trying to write some alternate words to the the song "One Less Bell to Answer", but the only line I get is "One less lobe to breathe with...." More brain cells need to come back online.
Friday, January 18, 2013
Making music!
So this morning I got my euphonium (baritone) out of the case and had to work on the valves a few minutes to get them going again after a long layoff. I have been playing trombone exclusively for a couple years. I know I am not ready to be working the slide on the trombone, but thought it would be more fun for my inhales/exhales to be doing something productive...so started blowing the horn. I can do it! Made it through America and Beautiful. then I was so exhausted from working on the valves that I thought I shouldn't push it any more for the first time. I don't want to drop the horn if I get weak and short of breath!
But YEA .... more fun than just exhaling into that little tube with the ball in it they give you at the hospital!
So I am feeling good enough to want to be doing something but don't have the energy or endurance to actually do something! More "progess, not perfection" I guess.
But YEA .... more fun than just exhaling into that little tube with the ball in it they give you at the hospital!
So I am feeling good enough to want to be doing something but don't have the energy or endurance to actually do something! More "progess, not perfection" I guess.
Thursday, January 17, 2013
Upon awakening......
.....I sound like a cross between Darth Vader and an puppy squeak toy!
I don't cough much during the night, so I get a bit congested.
Today was a huge deal......I walked all the way down to the street to get the newspaper and was able to get back up the small rise to the house without compromising my safety! I did take a hiking pole with me. But it was great to not have to wait for B. to get up to read the paper!
I did take a shower today. B. removed the bandage from the chest tube incision site....all clear....no more bandage. My skin is still pretty broken out in various places on my back. Small potatoes.
I needed a nice rest after the shower. Was saving energy for going to be my blood work done to test my coagulation. Riding in a car is not that comfortable yet. A lot of jostling and the sore areas on my side do not match well with the contour of the seat. Again, small potatoes.
the good news is I get to stop doing the shots and will now just be increasing my blood-thinner medication until it reaches the desired range.
The pulmonologist called today. Mostly, just what we already new...and more questions. It is a spindle cell variety of tumor. They got good margins and all the lymph nodes are clear. They still have not been able to determine if it is a melanoma. They are studying more slides. It must be a tricky little bugger that doesn't easily fit the known types. He will present all the info at the Tumor Board which meets next Thursday. And then, they may have some answers and a plan. Right now, he told me just to keep resting and recovering. More living in the ambiguity! I am getting good at this!
I am trying to remember to offer my prayers of "thanks" now at the same volume as the prayers of "help" I put forth prior to the surgery. I am so grateful! During my short time in the hospital, several friends had life-altering events happen. Everyone has big slices of life to deal with.
I have been a bit on the hermit side of life in recent years....not much of a socializer. My job seemingly taking up all my emotional energy ; at least that was my excuse. I think that my habit of pulling up the drawbridge when I get weary is not something I should be doing 100% of the time.
As one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, wrote, "....I automatically think that closing down is safe, but that really staying open and loving is safer, because then we're connected to all that life and love."
Doing this blog has felt like a way for me to let people in a bit more and be open to the love and care that pours in. I am grateful.
I don't cough much during the night, so I get a bit congested.
Today was a huge deal......I walked all the way down to the street to get the newspaper and was able to get back up the small rise to the house without compromising my safety! I did take a hiking pole with me. But it was great to not have to wait for B. to get up to read the paper!
I did take a shower today. B. removed the bandage from the chest tube incision site....all clear....no more bandage. My skin is still pretty broken out in various places on my back. Small potatoes.
I needed a nice rest after the shower. Was saving energy for going to be my blood work done to test my coagulation. Riding in a car is not that comfortable yet. A lot of jostling and the sore areas on my side do not match well with the contour of the seat. Again, small potatoes.
the good news is I get to stop doing the shots and will now just be increasing my blood-thinner medication until it reaches the desired range.
The pulmonologist called today. Mostly, just what we already new...and more questions. It is a spindle cell variety of tumor. They got good margins and all the lymph nodes are clear. They still have not been able to determine if it is a melanoma. They are studying more slides. It must be a tricky little bugger that doesn't easily fit the known types. He will present all the info at the Tumor Board which meets next Thursday. And then, they may have some answers and a plan. Right now, he told me just to keep resting and recovering. More living in the ambiguity! I am getting good at this!
I am trying to remember to offer my prayers of "thanks" now at the same volume as the prayers of "help" I put forth prior to the surgery. I am so grateful! During my short time in the hospital, several friends had life-altering events happen. Everyone has big slices of life to deal with.
I have been a bit on the hermit side of life in recent years....not much of a socializer. My job seemingly taking up all my emotional energy ; at least that was my excuse. I think that my habit of pulling up the drawbridge when I get weary is not something I should be doing 100% of the time.
As one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, wrote, "....I automatically think that closing down is safe, but that really staying open and loving is safer, because then we're connected to all that life and love."
Doing this blog has felt like a way for me to let people in a bit more and be open to the love and care that pours in. I am grateful.
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
Simple pleasures
I was able to sleep on my side for a while last night. Not totally comfortably, but certainly a relief for the skin on my back that is a little broken out from the hospital bed/hot flashes/lying supine for 8 days thing.
I have decided to only shower every other day at this time. Plan your visits accordingly....HaHa. I was so exhausted all evening from my "big" day.....so will take it a little slower.
Now inching forward with the bureaucratic process of getting my Leave Of Absence from work approved by the insurance co. *sigh* I am already tired of the paperwork and phone calls. Thought we had done all that prior to the surgery.....but there always seems to be just "one more thing" they need to make a decision. Oh well. Out of my hands.
The sun is out today.....always a delight at this time of year here! I will focus on the natural order of life....up/down....in/out.....sun/rain.....faith/adversity.
Both sides and everything in between need to be present to have a healthy Universe. I am choosing faith and sunlight and will go seek chocolate at this time!
I have decided to only shower every other day at this time. Plan your visits accordingly....HaHa. I was so exhausted all evening from my "big" day.....so will take it a little slower.
Now inching forward with the bureaucratic process of getting my Leave Of Absence from work approved by the insurance co. *sigh* I am already tired of the paperwork and phone calls. Thought we had done all that prior to the surgery.....but there always seems to be just "one more thing" they need to make a decision. Oh well. Out of my hands.
The sun is out today.....always a delight at this time of year here! I will focus on the natural order of life....up/down....in/out.....sun/rain.....faith/adversity.
Both sides and everything in between need to be present to have a healthy Universe. I am choosing faith and sunlight and will go seek chocolate at this time!
Tuesday, January 15, 2013
Best and Worst of a hospital stay........
I just can't resist......making a list:
Best
Best
- Does anything in the world of food taste better than red jello when you are feeling puny?!?! OMG!
- The chocolate pudding cup was next most excellent thing. Yummmm!
- My choir gals came and sang to me in the hospital. They had B. and myself, and the nurses, in tears with the beautiful harmonies and healing lyrics. I am so blessed to be a part of such an amazing group of women.
- A couple fabulous nurses and very savvy Techs to help with my care. One of the nurses I knew from my years on the nursing home team. She was working at one of my favorite homes at the time, so we had a couple nice conversations.
- I got to experience one of those "shampoo shower cap" thingys that they heat up in a microwave and place on your head.....that massage your hair through the cap....pull it off....and Voila! ...clean hair! Felt great!
Worst
- Hot flashes!!!! Day and night. Covers on/covers off. 20 times in 24 hours, I swear. One night I was propped on my side with a bunch of pillows...one between my knees...one at my back.....about 6 pillows in bed with me. Yes, they all are plastic coated with the pillow case on top. I flet like my skin was going to melt off. And, of course, the call light has slid out of my direct reach......sooooo uncomfortable. My ears were burning from touching the pillow!
So last night I went up the 14 stairs to the main bedroom. By the time I got to the top, I thought I had just climbed Mt. Everest! So I guess maybe one step at at time will be better plan. I was a little humbled. Just because I blew a couple notes on my cornet didn't mean I could climb.
Baby steps, grasshopper, baby steps.!
So this morning I was able to fix my self a whole breakfast, just grab a container of yoghurt and a spoonful of granola. I made oatmeal with fruit and even made coffee!!!! For the record, my Beloved is being great about meals....but I always am up and around earlier than she is in the morning.
And I sat at the counter an read the paper while eating.....a totally normal start! Yea!
Exhausted. Went and curled up in my chair and read awhile and took meds and did my breathing exercises. Rested up for going back upstairs (one at a time) to take my shower. Oh, that felt so good! Beth took off the bandage covering the former site of the chest tube drain and lotioned up my back.....that hospital-issue Keri lotion is great! The incision looks good. I am a little greenish from the bruising of the tissues, but it all looks just as it should for this stage of the game.
FYI...for those of you who have never been to our home......the computer is not in the main house. I have to walk about 100' out to what we call the music cottage. So it's not like I walk by the computer multiple times a day and check messages. It is my big outing of the day now, to go outside and do this!
And I feel so lucky to be able to be this functional this soon. I can't drive until next week....but will probably feel up to getting out of the house by the weekend, I am thinking.
I know.....slow and steady....not fast and stupid. So I am heading back into the house to rest some more.
Hugs to you all for your support and encouragement.!
Monday, January 14, 2013
I'm baaaaaack!
I headed out to start this earlier today, but had no internet connection!!!!! My love/hate relationship with technology continues.
It was pretty heady stuff reading all your comments of support and positivity! Reading your kind thoughts and encouragement really does help keep me positive about all this.
It was a big day getting home yesterday. The house is so much bigger than my hospital room! I felt a bit like an untethered balloon drifting across the living room.
I slept in the downstairs bedroom as I didn't want to try the 14 steps at the end of the day. And my Beloved offered to sleep downstairs on the floor in her sleeping bag. I got the better deal, poor dear. It was a bit of adventure not having the fancy adjustable hospital bed to crank around at my whim for maximum comfort. And then, of course, the cat was thrilled I was home and kept hopping up and around the bed. She did finally settle at at my side, and I finally got the right amount of blankets and pillows piled up. So I slept pretty well.
The most uncomfortable thing is the coughing....which I need to do to keep the lungs cleared out.....but it sort of hurts! For my thoracic surgeon, this was a pretty routine lobectomy. To my body, a saber-tooth tiger took a bite out of my side! It is about a 5 inch incision. They did a little rib-spreading and a bit of rib-shaving; and then there was the chest tube for drainage. So that right rib area is a bit achy and sore. I have full movement of my right arm....up above my head and pretty good lateral reach. It was a bit of a shock last night, as the last of the IV Tylenol with codeine I was given in the hospital started wearing off, and I could feel more of the physical discomfort from the actual surgery. I took one of the pain pills they gave me, but it only made me thick-headed and did not relieve the discomfort, so those will be going to the medication recycle bin! I started taking extra strength Tylenol regularly at the suggestion of my anti-coagulation pharmacist and have found I was able to ambulate around with a bit more comfort today. They are gradually getting my blood back to a therapeutic range of anti-coagulation ...and I will have it checked on Thursday.
I do get sort of breath rather easily, but I expect that to be better in a few days time.
I actually feel better than I thought I would, I think. When the anesthesiologist came in during pre-op and explained how she would have to put a much larger than normal respirator thingy down my throat because she would have to shut down the lung they were operating on and keep the other one inflated. She said it would go between my vocal chords so I may have a very sore throat.....or that my caps on my front teeth may break off because of the metal apparatus....... and I felt none of those negative side-effects!
My Beloved brought cards to my room each day and we pinned them to the bulletin board in my room......like a bouquet of good wishes! I continue to get cards at home and appreciate the ongoing prayers and good thoughts. FYI....those sending cards are generally not of the generation be checking blogs.....so keep those blog replies coming! My e-mail Inbox is just full of names that make me smile when I see them.
I think I am out of steam and have already rambled on enough....but rambling is about all I can manage at this time. I hope to have some real quality postings in the near future....but now, back to the recliner!
It was pretty heady stuff reading all your comments of support and positivity! Reading your kind thoughts and encouragement really does help keep me positive about all this.
It was a big day getting home yesterday. The house is so much bigger than my hospital room! I felt a bit like an untethered balloon drifting across the living room.
I slept in the downstairs bedroom as I didn't want to try the 14 steps at the end of the day. And my Beloved offered to sleep downstairs on the floor in her sleeping bag. I got the better deal, poor dear. It was a bit of adventure not having the fancy adjustable hospital bed to crank around at my whim for maximum comfort. And then, of course, the cat was thrilled I was home and kept hopping up and around the bed. She did finally settle at at my side, and I finally got the right amount of blankets and pillows piled up. So I slept pretty well.
The most uncomfortable thing is the coughing....which I need to do to keep the lungs cleared out.....but it sort of hurts! For my thoracic surgeon, this was a pretty routine lobectomy. To my body, a saber-tooth tiger took a bite out of my side! It is about a 5 inch incision. They did a little rib-spreading and a bit of rib-shaving; and then there was the chest tube for drainage. So that right rib area is a bit achy and sore. I have full movement of my right arm....up above my head and pretty good lateral reach. It was a bit of a shock last night, as the last of the IV Tylenol with codeine I was given in the hospital started wearing off, and I could feel more of the physical discomfort from the actual surgery. I took one of the pain pills they gave me, but it only made me thick-headed and did not relieve the discomfort, so those will be going to the medication recycle bin! I started taking extra strength Tylenol regularly at the suggestion of my anti-coagulation pharmacist and have found I was able to ambulate around with a bit more comfort today. They are gradually getting my blood back to a therapeutic range of anti-coagulation ...and I will have it checked on Thursday.
I do get sort of breath rather easily, but I expect that to be better in a few days time.
I actually feel better than I thought I would, I think. When the anesthesiologist came in during pre-op and explained how she would have to put a much larger than normal respirator thingy down my throat because she would have to shut down the lung they were operating on and keep the other one inflated. She said it would go between my vocal chords so I may have a very sore throat.....or that my caps on my front teeth may break off because of the metal apparatus....... and I felt none of those negative side-effects!
My Beloved brought cards to my room each day and we pinned them to the bulletin board in my room......like a bouquet of good wishes! I continue to get cards at home and appreciate the ongoing prayers and good thoughts. FYI....those sending cards are generally not of the generation be checking blogs.....so keep those blog replies coming! My e-mail Inbox is just full of names that make me smile when I see them.
I think I am out of steam and have already rambled on enough....but rambling is about all I can manage at this time. I hope to have some real quality postings in the near future....but now, back to the recliner!
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Sue's Home
Hooray, Sue came home today. We are both ready. It took all her energy to get a shower and leave the hospital. She is sleeping in front of the ball game in the living room. Please call before you come to visit (not today, please), and be sure to wash your hands first thing when you come in the door!
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Day 4
Sue is coming home tomorrow, Sunday! if all goes as planned. Today they removed the chest tube, she was able to walk further and sit in a chair longer, and watch half a football game on TV before taking a nap. This is all good news. Now if she can get a good nights rest without waking up to a coughing fit, we'll be set for tomorrow. So while the rest of you are rooting on the Seahawks, I'll be trying to learn what I need to know about getting her home!
Keep the white light and prayers coming, please and ThankYou!
Keep the white light and prayers coming, please and ThankYou!
Friday, January 11, 2013
Day 3
Sue had a pretty good day. Progressing as expected from the medical standpoint, but not fast enough from her perspective. By afternoon, she had several less tubes/wires attached, but some are still in. She was able to read some and listen to KBCS radio. Took a couple quick phone calls, sat in a chair for a bit, walked across her room, and sat up to eat dinner!
The good thoughts coming thru the airwaves are much appreciated, and they're still needed!
The good thoughts coming thru the airwaves are much appreciated, and they're still needed!
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Day 2
Yeah, Sue is doing well. Today she was able to eat real food, sit in a chair for a short while, read the comics by herself, and her spirits are good. Her choir came to sing to her this evening for 10 minutes. It was beautiful. Please keep the white light and prayers coming. Hopes to come home sometime this weekend.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
Surgery Update
So, the Surgery was this morning at 7:00am, and took about 3 1/2 hours, plus post-op time. It went as well as could be hoped. Tonight, Sue is in her hospital room (a lovely corner room for B to hang out in!), asking for dinner - jello, etc. She is using the PCA, and snoozing with the TV on. Blowing on that little plastic, handheld lung capacity measurer/strengthener, and aware of the discomfort. B is finally home, and exhausted, so this is short. It went well; nodes and tumor to pathologist for further slicing and dicing, or whatever it is they do. More will be revealed. Thanks for all your prayers and good thoughts. Expected release day is Saturday, subject to change.
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Got a time....
7AM tomorrow...YEA!
My motto these past few weeks holds true:
Semper Gumby (Always Flexible)
My motto these past few weeks holds true:
Semper Gumby (Always Flexible)
Don't light the candles yet.....
Just got a call from the surgeon himself.... he has just now finished his first surgery.....which would push mine back to 7 or 8PM!
We (thankfully) decided to put me in the 1st time slot for Wednesday (which I don't know if that is 7AM or what. So I grabbed my water bottle and slugged down a couple big gulps.... and my beloved is making me a sandwich while I "blog"!
So more waiting.....but I was getting an uneasy feeling about starting a surgery so late in the day anyway...so I am thrilled!
Fresh horses in the traces....giddayap!
We (thankfully) decided to put me in the 1st time slot for Wednesday (which I don't know if that is 7AM or what. So I grabbed my water bottle and slugged down a couple big gulps.... and my beloved is making me a sandwich while I "blog"!
So more waiting.....but I was getting an uneasy feeling about starting a surgery so late in the day anyway...so I am thrilled!
Fresh horses in the traces....giddayap!
A little delay.....
Just got a phone call from the surgery center.....the surgeon had an emergency. So my surgery is now scheduled for 5PM. I could be a loooong day......no eating or drinking. I am warning my Beloved that I may start to get a bit cranky.
When I got the call, I was afraid they were going to say that he was out with the flu and it would be in a couple days. So many people are sick here.
So late today will still be fine. I checked the surgeons bio......and he has served in the military in Afghanistan and Iraq. So he can handle anything! And I think I'll let him!
Maybe a few games of Spider on the computer will take my mind off food.
Onward and awkward!
When I got the call, I was afraid they were going to say that he was out with the flu and it would be in a couple days. So many people are sick here.
So late today will still be fine. I checked the surgeons bio......and he has served in the military in Afghanistan and Iraq. So he can handle anything! And I think I'll let him!
Maybe a few games of Spider on the computer will take my mind off food.
Onward and awkward!
Monday, January 7, 2013
Postscript for today
Home from the haircut...shaggy no more!
Not to be presumptuous but in case any of you were thinking it would be nice to send me flowers....please do not. I can not handle bouquets in the winter months when the widows are closed. Most flowers are too fragrant for me to tolerate. Thanks.
One of my favorite songs that the group of women I sing with has these words: "In the quiet of this moment, I am at peace. All is well." I sang it to myself over and over during one of the long scans I was having last week, and it is how I feel tonight. All is well.
G'night. The next time you hear from me I will be cancer-free!
Peace and Blessings,
a grateful Sue B.
Not to be presumptuous but in case any of you were thinking it would be nice to send me flowers....please do not. I can not handle bouquets in the winter months when the widows are closed. Most flowers are too fragrant for me to tolerate. Thanks.
One of my favorite songs that the group of women I sing with has these words: "In the quiet of this moment, I am at peace. All is well." I sang it to myself over and over during one of the long scans I was having last week, and it is how I feel tonight. All is well.
G'night. The next time you hear from me I will be cancer-free!
Peace and Blessings,
a grateful Sue B.
Surgery Tuesday....WooWoo
2PM . Yes, I am relieved to have it scheduled and will be even more relieved to have it over with, but tonight....I am getting a little wound up. Sort of like when I am packing before taking a flight somewhere. Anxious anticipation.
The surgery is a big deal, but I am trying to keep it just a "right-sized" deal. I am scurrying around putting Christmas decorations back down in the crawlspace; gathering phone numbers for my Beloved to notify after the successful surgery. Getting a haircut at 8PM! My scheduled appointment is for this Thursday, so that won't work. I am looking as shaggy as the actor Jeff Bridges in most of his roles.....so I called and asked for any opening they had with any stylist.....thus the 8PM time. ZZzzzzz.
I really am keeping focused on what is right in front of me. Letting the prayers and concerns expressed by all you folks that are connected to me in so many different ways wrap around me and keep me safe. And thanks for including my Beloved in your prayers.
I have no idea what the recovery challenges will be and try to keep my mind from trying to figure it out ahead of time. I know it will involve breathing ....... and will work up to other things from there. I figure getting back to playing one of my horns as quick as possible will be great breathing therapy.
No brilliant insights.....just going forward with faith. But it is nice knowing you all are rooting for me (and the surgeon). A warm thank you to all.
Friday, January 4, 2013
GREAT NEWS.....
Never thought I would be thrilled with having surgery..but it is the best option, by far!
The spot on my liver is just a cyst and does not need any attention. We met with the thoracic surgeon late this afternoon...alas, too late to be able to actually schedule the surgery, so a little wait until Monday to book the operating room.
But it will happen next week!
I can not tell you how much lighter I felt with getting this news. Of course, now I need to rethink my decision to cancel my Sirius Satellite Radio for my car! I just may be able to enjoy that a long while yet!
So the drill is.....I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days and then they send me home to recuperate for 4-5 weeks. He anticipates a 4-5 inch incision is all...and the surgery takes about 3 hours. They will remove the whole upper right lobe and a few lymph nodes as long as they are in the neighborhood. There is nothing suspicious about the nodes...it is just routine procedure to remove the ones in the surrounding area. There will be no after effects at all...no lymphodema. Once the incision heals and the soreness goes away, I will be able to do anything I used to....like play trombone in the fabulous jazz band again!
When they have access to the whole tumor, they will send things off to the pathologist to stage it, and if necessary, refer me to an oncologist for follow up. For you tumor curious folks out there...it appears to be a spindle cell variety. Haven't taken the time to Google that yet!
I am very drained tonight. It seems to be months ago that I found out I was harboring a tumor! So much "not knowing" was really difficult. I told God yesterday that I felt I have learned the lesson of "not knowing" and was ready for what ever was next ...... and here we are. The "wild card" is that I need to come off the blood thinner medicine in order to survive the surgery, and there is always the danger of my wonderfully sticky platelets deciding to bond together and cause a problem. But that stuff is out of my hands.
More trust, and letting go.
I feel so buoyed up by all the expressions of support from you all! Really! It certainly helps to say "I can't do this alone. I need you." And you folks are there for me (us).
Blessings to you all.
with a ton of graitude.... SueBee
Never thought I would be thrilled with having surgery..but it is the best option, by far!
The spot on my liver is just a cyst and does not need any attention. We met with the thoracic surgeon late this afternoon...alas, too late to be able to actually schedule the surgery, so a little wait until Monday to book the operating room.
But it will happen next week!
I can not tell you how much lighter I felt with getting this news. Of course, now I need to rethink my decision to cancel my Sirius Satellite Radio for my car! I just may be able to enjoy that a long while yet!
So the drill is.....I will be in the hospital for 3-5 days and then they send me home to recuperate for 4-5 weeks. He anticipates a 4-5 inch incision is all...and the surgery takes about 3 hours. They will remove the whole upper right lobe and a few lymph nodes as long as they are in the neighborhood. There is nothing suspicious about the nodes...it is just routine procedure to remove the ones in the surrounding area. There will be no after effects at all...no lymphodema. Once the incision heals and the soreness goes away, I will be able to do anything I used to....like play trombone in the fabulous jazz band again!
When they have access to the whole tumor, they will send things off to the pathologist to stage it, and if necessary, refer me to an oncologist for follow up. For you tumor curious folks out there...it appears to be a spindle cell variety. Haven't taken the time to Google that yet!
I am very drained tonight. It seems to be months ago that I found out I was harboring a tumor! So much "not knowing" was really difficult. I told God yesterday that I felt I have learned the lesson of "not knowing" and was ready for what ever was next ...... and here we are. The "wild card" is that I need to come off the blood thinner medicine in order to survive the surgery, and there is always the danger of my wonderfully sticky platelets deciding to bond together and cause a problem. But that stuff is out of my hands.
More trust, and letting go.
I feel so buoyed up by all the expressions of support from you all! Really! It certainly helps to say "I can't do this alone. I need you." And you folks are there for me (us).
Blessings to you all.
with a ton of graitude.... SueBee
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Welcome!
Another new experience I never thought I would be experiencing in my 60's! Blogging!
My intention is this to be an easy way for me to get information out there about my health status without having to do a ton of email groups, and to not overwhelm folks with updates that they maybe don't want to get. The last thing I want is for people to start to dread seeing my name in their InBox. So now folks can check in on their own initiative.
Here is a re-cap of what has been happening:
2010
Feb. Malignant melanoma on my face....upper right cheekbone.
2011
March 2 pre-cancerous spots removed from my calves.
2012
Oct. 28 Pneumonia
Nov. 28 Chest x-ray showed something still in the lung....plan to re-do in Jan.
Dec. 5 Still coughing up blood clots like during the pneumonia.
Went to Emergency Room for evaluation. Had a contrast CT done and
an appointment made for the following day with a pulmonologist.
Dec. 6 Met with Dr. Eulberg and scheduled a bronchoscopy for the following week.
The CT scan showed some growth along the bronchials in my right upper lobe.
He thought it might be some mucous plugs left over from the pneumonia and they
could go in and clean things out during the bronchoscopy. He was pretty sure that
this was the source of the blood clots.
Dec. 13 Bronchoscopy showed a tumor and they biopsied it.
Dec. 17 Cancer diagnosis. They could do a surgery to remove the upper lobe of the lung,
but first would need to determine if there were more sites.
And, FYI, we have 3 lobes that make up our right lung and 2 lobes on the left.
So I would still have 2 lobes left on the right side, and they would gradually
compensate for the removed lobe.
Dec. 28 PET scan to determine if there were any cancer cells in my lymph nodes.
2013
Jan. 2 Lymph nodes are clear but they saw a spot on my liver.
Jan. 3 MRI to get more info on the liver.
So that gets us up to today.
It has been a lot of waiting from the diagnosis of cancer, and still no definitive plan in site. More questions than answers, and more living in the ambiguity. I have gotten better at this over the past couple weeks, but it still is hard to remain in the day I am in and not have my brain project out all sorts of scenarios.
I have been learning a lot these weeks, and will try and get some of these "aha" moments down. But I am not blogging to try and create great writing. This is a vehicle for communication.
Some days I may happen to be brilliant, and some days maybe entertaining. But maybe some days I will need to vent or be terse and guarded. But it all is communication. And much of what I write on paper seems to be info that I need to see to understand; things that rattle around in my brain but that I don't take time to look at. So this is a process.
Now we wait for the results of the MRI about the liver spot. Wait and hope and pray and ultimately....accept and go forward to the next indicated step.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)