Upon awakening......

.....I sound like a cross between Darth Vader and an puppy squeak toy!  
I don't cough much during the night, so I get a bit congested.

Today was a huge deal......I walked all the way down to the street to get the newspaper and was able to get back up the small rise to the house without compromising my safety!  I did take a hiking pole with me.  But it was great to not have to wait for B. to get up to read the paper!

I did take a shower today.  B. removed the bandage from the chest tube incision site....all clear....no more bandage.  My skin is still pretty broken out in various places on my back.  Small potatoes.

I needed a nice rest after the shower.  Was saving energy for going to be my blood work done to test my coagulation.  Riding in a car is not that comfortable yet. A lot of jostling and the sore areas on my side do not match well with the contour of the seat.  Again, small potatoes.  
the good news is I get to stop doing the shots and will now just be increasing my blood-thinner medication until it reaches the desired range.

The pulmonologist called today.  Mostly, just what we already new...and more questions.  It is a spindle cell variety of tumor.  They got good margins and all the lymph nodes are clear.  They still have not been able to determine if it is a melanoma.  They are studying more slides.  It must be a tricky little bugger that doesn't easily fit the  known types.  He will present all the info at the Tumor Board which meets next Thursday.  And then, they may have some answers and a plan.  Right now, he told me just to keep resting and recovering.  More living in the ambiguity!  I am getting good at this!

I am trying to remember to offer my prayers of "thanks" now at the same volume as the prayers of "help" I put forth prior to the surgery.  I am so grateful!  During my short time in the hospital, several friends had life-altering  events happen.  Everyone has big slices of life to deal with.

I have been a bit on the hermit side of life in recent years....not much of a socializer.  My job seemingly taking up all my emotional energy ; at least that was my excuse.  I think that my habit of pulling up the drawbridge when I get weary is not something I should be doing 100% of the time.

As one of my favorite authors, Anne Lamott, wrote, "....I automatically think that closing down is safe, but that really staying open and loving is safer, because then we're connected to all that life and love."

Doing this blog has felt like a way for me to let people in a bit more and be open to the love and care that pours in.  I am grateful.